Rob the Lovelorn
I'm sure that we all have that one story. You know that one where you did something stupid under the influence of some kind of drug or substance. Do not worry, my terrible online dating story's drug is chocolate. In the middle of the night. I will also not be saying the names of the guys. I will be calling them the number that we scored in compatibility. Where all the bad choices are made! This is a long story. Let's get right into the story.
3 AM Chocolate
This all started after February 15. You see that is when my family gets out Valentine's Day candy. Because it is super cheap and we love saving money. Inside this beautiful brown paper bag were M&M's.
Now I tend to wake up in the middle of the night. Gripped with a pang of almost extreme hunger. What I normally do is go upstairs and get a snack from the kitchen. That is a story for later. But since I had chocolate in my room I decided to ear that.
I got one packet of M&M's and ate it. I stashed the wrapper in the top drawer of my side table/cabinet thing. I then struggled back down into my bed and closed my eyes. In this moment of peace, I had a daydream because I wasn't really asleep at the moment. Although looking back more it was a memory. It was a collection of memories about one of my cousins. I'll keep her name a secret.
In this memory, my cousin was talking about how she met her husband on eHarmony. These memories made me want a relationship. I wanted a soulmate, a family of my own, and children. So I got my phone and downloaded eHarmony's app.
I did read some of the reviews before downloading the app. One was a five-star review of how it worked. The other review for one star. It told a different story. I read the first and last sentence of each of the reviews. I then decided what could be the harm. I mean it worked for my cousin. Why wouldn't it work for me?
After the app was done downloading I opened. I made my account and was told that I would have to take a quiz. I was half asleep, so I decided that it would be best to put the app down and go back to sleep. I put my phone down and snuggled under my covers. I closed my eyes and nothing. I couldn't get back to sleep. So I grabbed my phone and opened eHarmony's app. Half asleep I took the quiz.
Matchmaker Make Me a Match
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| My eHarmony Profile Picture |
After I had finished the quiz I was asked to take a profile picture. That this point it was almost four AM. My camera would not be able to take a good picture, and I was too lazy to get up and turn on a light. I picked a picture that I had on my phone.
Once I was able to see my matches I noticed that the pictures were all blurry. I then remembered that one of the reviews said that to see pictures you had to subscribe to eHarmony. I shrugged and thought that it was no big deal.
The first match that I saw had scored 107 on compatibly. So I looked through the profile. I decided that this one was not right and kept looking. I found another profile that had a score of 103. I looked through it and decided that this one wasn't right either. I then found one that scored 97. I looked through the profile and thought that there might be something there. So I sent him a smile.
I was then able to go back to sleep. It was five AM. Two hours later my mom woke me up and told me that it was Sunday. I got up and went upstairs to breakfast. During breakfast, I checked eHarmony to see if I had gotten any messages. 97 had liked a few things on my profile and sent an icebreaker. 107 sent a personal message that said, "Good morning. I would like to get to know you better."
I started with 97. I answered the icebreaker questions. We picked three of the same pictures. I then went back to 107. I tapped the message button and was sent to select which subscription plan I wanted. I decided that I didn't want to subscribe, so I sent 107 an icebreaker. Which he answered almost six hours later.
I then thought nothing about the app until the afternoon. 97 and I did a lot of icebreakers. According to the icebreakers we had a lot in common. 107 finally answered my icebreaker and sent one of his own. I answered it and sent another one to him. He responded by saying something. The message was blurred out so I couldn't read it. Under the message has a button to pick a payment plan to subscribe. I rolled my eyes. I was getting annoyed by this request. It seemed as if eHarmony was trying to rob me.
I double-checked 107's profile. I confirmed my decision that 107 was not right for me. So I ignored the message. I haven't heard or seen anything new from him since.
But I also had a new match. We had a score of 72 because he had not taken the updated quiz. I read his profile and thought that maybe there was something there. It didn't hurt that we went to the same college and lived in the same city. The personal message that he sent me was basically asking me what kind of video games I liked playing.
I sent him a smile and liked a few things on his profile. So he would know that I was interested. Later that afternoon he sent me another message. Of course, I couldn't read it, because I was using the free trial. While using a free profile on eHarmony you can not see any pictures, read the second message that is sent to you, or reply to a message.
I did get three more messages from three other guys. One was just a smile. I looked through his profile and decided that he was not the one. The other one was a guy from Texas. His message was simple and, to me disturbing, his message was his number. He said that he wanted to get to know me. I looked through his profile and decided that he was not the one. So I removed him as a contact. I did this because I didn't want to give someone I didn't know my number. The third and final one asked me if I was wearing a Deathly Hollow's necklace. Yes, I am.
Three AM Subscription
I was getting so curious about what 107 and 72 had said. I honestly could care less about what 107 had to say. He just didn't feel right for me. I still couldn't read the second message that they sent me. I thought that as soon as my second day started that I would be able to read their messages. I put my phone down and went to sleep.
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| Bunny Plush Face |
I decided that I wanted to know what 72 said. So I sat up in bed and grabbed my phone. I opened the eHarmony app and tapped the button to go see the offer. The offer was 20% off your first three months. I think all I know was that the light plan (which was six months) was $25 and was being offered to me for $14.99.
I rubbed my eyes and hit the next button. I had the option to make one, two, or three payments. I selected to make a one-time payment. I entered my card info and hit confirm. I blinked and saw on the top of the screen a light red banner with dark red type. My card had been denied. I shrugged yawned and went back to sleep.
Love Thief
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| Charlie the Financial Penguin |
Now there is something that you do need to know about me. I do not have a lot of money. I am one of those people who sees a shiny thing and just needs to buy it. I know that I shouldn't. But when I see a cool sewing pattern I can't help it. That is a story for another day though.
Charlie told me that a nice sum of money was pending a transaction. That sum was a good portion of what I had. Charlie was telling that eHarmony was trying to take this sum to cover the subscription. I went to the computer and checked my bank balance. What Charlie said was right. My mom came over to me and asked me if anything was wrong. My mom has a way of just knowing that something is wrong. I signed and told her that I wasn't okay. But that I was sure of how to fix it.
I went over to my laptop and fired it up. I got off of the tower capture so someone else could use it. If they had too. I opened up eHarmony's website and started looking. No one else had messaged me, and I didn't have any new messages from anyone that I was "talking" with.
I looked everywhere on my profile and in my setting. I couldn't find a way to unsubscribe. But what was odd was the fact that the website and the app were both still offering the discount. In a slight panic, I went to Google and asked it how to cancel my eHarmony subscription.
I found a site called How Do I Cancel My fill in the blank. I had used this site before and I will use it again. But I always forget what it is called. Maybe now I won't forget.
I read through the site and learned that the best way to fix this problem was by emailing eHarmony. With a deep breath, I opened my personal email. I then wrote a strongly worded email to eHarmony. But it was also kind of polite. I wasn't answered until later into the evening, but I didn't see the reply until the next day.
My dad was working late that night. So he wasn't at dinner. I told my mom and two sisters about what happened. My mom was upset. She told me that I needed to think. That I couldn't subscribe to something like this without a job. After dinner, my mom sat with me and helped me call the bank. The bank told me that the amount had been refunded already. Everything was good. Nothing had happened.
Conclusion
So what have I learned through this? Do not eat chocolate at night. I also learned that even dating sites want your money. If you find your true love, great. But you would still have to pay up in the end. I was planning on deleting my eHarmony account, but I decided in the end that I would keep it. That way when I'm ready and when I have a steady flow of income; I can try again.
My twin sister has been helping me figure out how to sleep better. That way I don't wake up in the middle of the night and end up buying something. That will be a story and tips for later.
I'll see you next week.
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