Will You Be My Valentine?

Will You be My Valentine?

As a kid, I remember loving and hating and Valentine's Day. I lived it because we got candy and teddy bears. I hated it for an odd reason. I hated Valentine's Day cards. I loved making them though. In fact, Valentine's Day and the days around it were the days that my sisters and I played mail carrier the most. But I had two reasons why I didn't like the cards. Church and co-op.

Church

First, I want to make this very clear. Not everyone in my church was like this. I just had a very hard time making friends. I didn't fit into a click. My sisters and I were outliners. We didn't fit in, because of our geekiness and love of all things creative. But a few bad experiences that I had doesn't mean that everyone was horrible. Alright now that we have that out of the let's get into the stories.

As Kids

My sisters and I would only ake Valentine's for people that we knew and liked. We normally didn't keep generic ones for people who just gave them too us. So we didn't have cards for anyone that we weren't close too. But it was always dishearting to watch the other kids give Valentine's to each other. It was hard making friends with anyone, so no one really gave us anything.

Looking back on it it doesn't hurt anymore. I like to think that most of them have forgotten me and my sisters. That is how I get over it. Of course, at the time my sisters and I had mixed feelings about the holiday. Thinking that it was part pointless, and part popularly contest.

As Teens

As teens, we were in the same church with the same people. Except nothing changed. My sisters and I were still the outliners and outsiders. The odd man out. The ones who were picked last to join a team. We would sit by ourselves at the start of Youth Group and would only talk to people who came to talk to us. Because everyone had made it clear that they didn't want us in their friend circles. This was also the time in my life that I started to get depressed. Never told anyone, because no one cared. Sadly that point can't be argued, because to this day I still believe that they didn't care about me. Or my sisters. 

Valentine's Day was still a popularity contest, but it only lasted on Sunday. During Wednesday night it would be as if nothing had happened. Unless Valentine's Day was on Wednesday. Then our youth group would do something "special." We would make Valentine's for the elders of our church and clean the church.

My sisters were normally assigned to do the arts and crafts because they were more artistic than me. I would be assigned to help vacuum and do other cleaning chores. But there was one Valentine's Day that I got done with these chores and was able to go do the artsy stuff. Also known as the fun stuff!

There was a girl in the room who was older than me and my sisters. She had just finished a giant paper heart card for her friend. She and one other girl were in the room, and they were talking and laughing. So I started to talk with them. I got to where I thought that maybe I had made a new friend and grew closer to an old friend.

Near the end of the night, the girl who had made the big Valentine's Day card handed everyone else a smaller and simpler card. The card read Happy Singleness Awareness Day. I asked her what was meant by it and she joyfully explained to me. Simply, not everyone has a date for Valentine's Day. I was so happy to get a card that matched my relationship status and a new friends. I remember going home so happy.

The next Wednesday night she was gone. She stopped coming to our church's youth group after that. That was not the first time that happened either. Every time I felt like I had made friends with a new person they left.

Homeschool Co-Op

For those who do not know what homeschooling or homeschool co-op I will explain. Homeschooling is when all of your schoolwork is done at home, and your parent is the teacher. There are many reasons to homeschool your kids, most notably for religious reasons. But that was not the only reason for my schooling. The other reason is personal to my parents, so I don't want to talk about it right now. But I was homeschooled until I was able to get into the local Community College.

Co-Op, in my day, was only on Tuesday and was run by a handful of homeschool moms (moms who taught their kids). There was a director who served as a kind of school director. There were four one hour periods with a fifteen-minute snack between the first two hours and the last two hours. All of the classes were taught by different moms who were specialized in a skill that my mom was not. Everything that I learned about drawing, painting, and writing came from these classes.

What did my mom teach? For the first few years, she was the main nursery worker. The teacher of a class of children who were too young for the other classes. For the last few years, she worked as the co-op's librarian. Although her roles were small, I believe that they were the most important. Now onto the story.

Always Bring Extra

My twin sister and I normally did the same class. I do not remember was this class was called or what it was about. But I do remember that it was Valentine's Day. Now my sisters and I were not that old, so we didn't think to bring that many cards. We only wanted to give Valentine's to people we were friends with and out teachers.

In this class was a group of friends. They were all girls and there were at least three of them. One of them being the teacher's daughter. Now my twin and I thought that they were okay people, but they didn't talk to us unless they had too. They also didn't seem to like it whenever my twin sister and I tried to talk to them.

This Valentine's Day my twin and I were sitting across from these girls. The lesson had not started yet. One of the girls was handing out Valentine's to her friends. My twin and I didn't have anything for them, but we were whispering among ourselves. My twin and I were talking about how rude it was to openly give Valentine's. You see we didn't believe that you should make your gesture so big that other people would see it and be hurt by the action. We had already given the teacher our Valentine's Day card because we ran into her earlier. The gesture was sweet, quick, and unnoticeable.

I guess they heard us whispering. Because the girl who was handing out Valentine' tossed one to me and then to my twin. We were both happy and shocked. The girl went back to her place and looked at her friends. She smiled and said, "I always bring extra."

At the time I didn't think much of it. But every time Valentine's Day comes I can't help but think about this memory. Every year it hurts more. I'll break it down for you.

First, this girl didn't walk over to give us the "extra" cards. She tossed the little cardboard cards at us. The cards made a noise that caused my twin and me to jump. One of the cards hit us. It didn't hurt that bad, but it stung.

Second, she didn't just call the cards "extra." By saying that she had to give us an "extra" card that was just laying around... Do you know how much that hurts? Being told that you are extra? An unwanted extra who is only getting a card because you just so happen to be sitting there. She might as well say that we were unpersons and not even real.

Third, she asked another friend who just came into the room if he wanted another Valentine. He said yes. After that, this girl began to boast more about her resourcefulness of having extras. It hurt. Even today it still hurts.

Conclusion

Do you know those people who keep every letter and card that they are given? I am that person. If someone takes the time to give me a card I will keep it forever. I still have the last birthday card that my late grandma gave me. It is one of my most treasured positions. Overall of the years, there is only one Valentine's Day card I have kept. This card was given to me by my best friend as a child. That is the only reason why I still have it. Every other Valentine's Day card I have only kept for one to two years. Before looking at it and saying I don't remember this person, nor do I remember getting this.

So this Valentine's Day please think about the Outsider. They want to be your friend and be included. But they don't want you to boast about it. Give your loved ones their cards in secret so others are not hurt. Or better yet, do what I do. I celebrate Valentine's Day as a candy festival, and nothing more. Let's get half off chocolate together!